Tonight I am not feeling very strong. I think about all of Derek's dreams and how they are gone. I am thinking about how he wanted to be a cop or an FBI agent. He was into martial arts. Everything he wanted will have to change. Can he do it? I am sure he can. It will be so hard on him. It's not fair. He has fought his whole life. He shouldn't have to keep fighting. I have had to fight these last few years, too. I have been a single mother for 12 years. I am tired. This is not easy.
I am so thankful for all of the support from everyone, but tonight I am angry. I am mad at God for letting this happen. Why didn't He protect my boy? I want to be hopeful but tonight is hard. It's been a hard day. It's hard to keep being strong all the time.