Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Difficult Night

Tonight is very difficult.  I really cannot stop crying.  I read the postings on this page, on facebook, on the page Prayers for Derek McConnell and they give me hope.

Tonight I am not feeling very strong.  I think about all of Derek's dreams and how they are gone.  I am thinking about how he wanted to be a cop or an FBI agent.  He was into martial arts.  Everything he wanted will have to change.  Can he do it?  I am sure he can.  It will be so hard on him.  It's not fair.  He has fought his whole life.  He shouldn't have to keep fighting.  I have had to fight these last few years, too.  I have been a single mother for 12 years.  I am tired.  This is not easy. 

I am so thankful for all of the support from everyone, but tonight I am angry.  I am mad at God for letting this happen.  Why didn't He protect my boy?  I want to be hopeful but tonight is hard.  It's been a hard day.  It's hard to keep being strong all the time.

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