The day started this morning with me holding a knife to someone's throat. At least that is what i thought. I forgot my phone in Derek's room last night so I used the alarm in the room. I wasn't used to the sound of it and it didn't wake me. It came into my dream as a screaming girl. She wouldn't stop. I said, "If I kill her, she will stop," so i went to kill her. Nice way to wake up.
We were scheduled to transfer to PMNR today or tomorrow, but due to screwy labs, we are on hold. They understand my concern not to go to doctors who do not know Derek as well as the beloved trauma team while his labs are so unpredictable. What's the rush? His calcium is too high, potassium is up and down, magnesium dips, liver enzymes are too high, etc.
Dr. Cliffords will end his rotation on Sunday. Already? I have to say I will miss Dr. Dimples, even when he walks in all loud and waking Derek up with his rudeness.
And the new Dr. Bograd is growing on me. He removed Derek's g-tube today! Woot! We had a deal that if it hurt him, Derek could punch him, so I did. Actually, I punched him for once again comparing himself to Dr. B. He HAS to get over that. I haven't done that since day 1.
We had a lovely little med student on the nephrology roation come visit. He held out a plastic cup to Derek and asked for a urine sample. I asked if he had read the notes. He told me yes, but he obviously hadn't. Did he expect Derek to work the catheter bag himself? Krystina watched him try to work the bag, and the med student couldn't get the clip off. I've done it. It's not hard. Med students are a special breed. Have to break them in.
This wais a usual day. Doctors came in, and doctors went out. Nurses came in, and nurses went out. Derek made strange comments.... Derek had OT and PT, and he has started to go to the inpatient pt room. 4 lb weights today! We also heard of the newest awesome person Ft Belvoir is stealing away from us. Usual day.
There was another spa day today that Krystina and I passed on. They have those days once a month by the Yellow Ribbon Fund and once a month through Executive Services, I think, and once in a while with SFAC. I'm not sure about the frequency of the one with Executive Services, because I have never participated, but I do get the YRF emails because Krystina and I did participate with them once in the past three months when Derek was in surgery. I am supposed to attend a dinner tomorrow night, but I am on the fence as to whether or not i will go. I really hate leaving that room. Walking over to Bldg 62 was a lot for me today. I do not like being away.
Which brings me to my next topic. Back off. I do not need a break. I am happiest when I am in that room. If I feel the need for a break, I will take one. I do not need a weekend away. I am happy in my little corner where I know that Derek is getting the best care possible. This is not about me. This is about Derek. When he is in Bldg 62, I will take time for me. Not until then.
Some mothers do need time away or they break. Not me. Not in the way that they are offering. I'm a control freak. I freely admit it. I don't have a problem with it. As a single mom, I've had to be. I've been in sole control of my family for years. I wish I had another parent to hand over some of the responsibility, but i don't. This wasn't my choice, this was handed to me. I fought it in the beginning, but I had no control over it, so I had to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. So, let me do my thing now.
For those mothers who do need that time, go. Please. Enjoy. I do not begrudge it to you. If you need it, then please take it. Come back refreshed.
Even with the screwy labs, Derek is making progress. Team Derek has come so far. Derek is a fighter. Yes, Krystina and I have stood by him, but Derek is the one who has suffered through all this. He deserves most of the credit, if not all.
Tomorrow is shaping up to be a special day for Derek. He has a special visitor who just returned from Afghanistan today, and his first stop tomorrow is one of his soldiers. We are very excited to see SSgt Ken Keith and his gorgeous wife tomorrow!