Walking With My Wounded Warrior - FINALLY!!

This is too exciting not to shout right at the beginning.  Forget building up suspense....  suspense has been building for over six months.  So, here you go..... the big news is:

DEREK WALKED!!!

The above is the actual first step!

When we went to the Matc today, we expected for Derek to have the prosthetic for the left hip.   It is a bucket that straps around his waist.  See picture below:



We expected Mike to strap on the two prosthetics and have Derek stand in the tilt table again, but he offered to allow him to attempt walking between the parallel bars.  Derek was a little hesitant because his regular PT is on vacation this week, but because my Dad is visiting, he decided to try it. 

He stood for a few minutes to get his balance and then tentatively took his first step.  The facility pups were there to lend support and a "barking" section.

We didn't expect it to be today, and we didn't have the iPad to record it.  Krystina and I used our phone and camera, and we are trying to upload it.  Facebook is the first stop on the uploading train. 

In addition to this awesome news, we are waiting for Dr. Kim to come and discuss medication changes so we can get Derek on the road to better pain management and outpatient!  3-5 weeks away, Dr. Kim guesses.  She came yesterday while Derek was asleep, so Krystina and I aired our concerns with her.  Before any changes can be made, she will discuss it with Derek and see if he is okay with it.

He continues on the low fat/low cholesterol diet to reduce the fatty liver.  He hates it, but oh well.  Suck it up, soldier.  We want you with us for years to come, not dropping of a heart attack after coming so far.

This is a huge milestone in our climb to glory.  Walking is a big step, excuse the pun.  A lot farther to go, but we will make it!  Climb to glory!  All the way.  To the top.  I'll meet you there with balloons and streamers!!

A Purple Day

Yesterday was quite eventful.  The morning started with Derek's Purple Heart ceremony.

Captain Brooks from the WTB (Warrior Transition Brigade) came to present it.  We also had a full house to celebrate and honor Derek.  We had the doctors - Dr. Kim, Dr. Sam and Dr. Himmler.  We had some nurses - Katie, Emily and one I didn't recognize.  We had the puppies and their Mommies - Archie and Bobbie, and Moms Amy and Lisa.  Laura Lee came a little late.  Archie's handler Marshall was also there.  Julie from AW2 and Captain Hook from WTB.  Lt Col Mike Crumm, Derek's former nurse case manager.  Corpsman - Allen and Dennis.  Lyndsey from wound care.  Liaisons Gilmore and Lane.  OT Joe (a/k/a Meg).  Squad Leader - SSgt Jones and the First Sgt Gomez.  Lt Col Jones from WTB.  And then, of course, Krystina and me, and my Dad came down from NJ.  That's 25 people!  This is a little room!  There was lots of love for Derek.  Wish his siblings, aunt, uncle and cousin could have made it down from Jersey, plus other friends and relatives, but this was a quickly scheduled, small ceremony.

It was cancelled and rescheduled several times on Monday.  I had to fight to get this scheduled, and it was wonderful.  Derek didn't care who presented it, he just wanted it done while he was awake.  So glad it is done.

Derek and Papa

Dr. Kim and Dr. Himmler

Katie!

Lt Col Crumm

The presentation

Yes, Sgt Archie sat on the bed for the ceremony.  He was great, until everyone started clapping, and then he got antsy.  He is the protector.

After the ceremony, we took Derek to the Harp and Fiddle for lunch.  It was great to get out with him.

When we returned the nurse case manager who snapped at me yesterday was standing there.  Even Krystina noticed that she exudes attitude.  She told me, "This is not going to work if you don't change your attitude."  Excuse me? You DO NOT speak to me like that!  She's gone.  Today we met the new nurse case manager and really liked him.

After that, my Dad gave me my mail from the last several weeks.  It sucks not being home to deal with things when they happen.  Trying to get unemployment going, and now I have to appear for an in person appoinment.  I will need to reschedule it, because it looks like it will be just when Derek is going outpatient, and I will still be needed here.  I'm on military orders, so it should be no problem.

Also in the mail were other things that upset me, including that the thank you cards I spent days and hours writing at Derek's request did not have enough postage!  I asked the lady at the post office if one stamp was enough, and she told me yes.  It wasn't.  The problem is that I didn't put a full return address on all of them.  I got tired writing and simply put a shortened one, so a lot of the cards will never be found.  This is very upsetting to me.

Also, the ex started acting up again. 

It never ends.  I am tired of getting kicked when I am down.  See, the problem with that is, when I am down and being kicked, I come back fighting twice as hard!

Today has been a much better day.  Derek went to Building 62 for a safety evaluation.  It was the first time transferring to a regular bed, a chair and a couch.  First time in over six months he sat in something other than his wheelchair.  And the apartment was so nice.  Two bedrooms, two full baths, two big walk in closets, kitchen, living room.  He loved it....too much.  He wants it now.  As in today.  That's Derek.  I see it, I like it, I want it today.  No!  I don't WANT to wait!  When we left, he was stopping all pain meds today.  Krystina and I are concerned about withdrawal.  We are waiting for Dr. Kim to come and chat.  A few hours later, he sees it as a goal to be achieved in a few weeks.

Things are progressing nicely.  Still having obstacles to overcome, and it's not an easy fight, but we are now moving forward steadily.  Those obstacles can be scaled, and we will make it on the climb to glory.  So, keep climbing.  Don't give up.  There is glory at the top of the mountain.

Pόg Mo Thόin

I received a shirt from the NYFD yesterday at the Super Bowl party.  On the front it says, "Pόg Mo Thόin."  If you don't know Irish, this means, "Kiss my ass."  It was the perfect day today to wear it.

When Derek arrived in Bethesda 198 days ago, his purple heart was in his bag.  Apparently, it was given to him while he was unconscious.  Was it pinned on him?  Are there at least pictures of it?  We don't know.  I was told in August by the Platoon Leader that he would get it pinned on him when he was awake and alert and knew the honor that was being presented.

That was August.

I've asked several times since then, and each time I was told it would be arranged.  I finally started really pushing for it.  I was told he would partake in the big ceremony after he was an outpatient.  At this ceremony, many guys get their purple hearts.  Derek does not want that.  He doesn't like pomp and circumstance.  He doesn't like the dog and pony show.  He just wants a private, quiet ceremony.  We were told it could happen.

It's been months.  I've been asking about it for months.  Finally, last week I said I need it done.  Now.  I might not be here in March for the big ceremony that Derek doesn't want, and if they put it off too much longer, I might be working or gone home!  I want to see him get his purple heart!  He wants me there.  I want him to get it.

So last week I made the phone calls and pushed the people I needed to push.  I was told it would be Tuesday, as in tomorrow.  I was told that we just needed to set a time.  Well, people want to be there.  I was told the time this morning and passed it along.

This morning I was told ten.  I told Derek's doctors, the facility pups and their mommies, his therapists, the ancillary people involved in his care.  I wish I could get his siblings here and his aunt and uncle and cousins, because I know how much they would love to be there when he gets his Purple Heart.  Unfortunately, they can only come on the weekends due to school.  My father, the man who was there and helped raise Derek, is trying to get down here in time.

At 5 pm I received a phone call that they were putting off the ceremony because they didn't want a Captain to present it, they wanted a General.  Seriously?  It took me two hours of "screaming" phone calls and texts to the Lt Col who called initially, the Captain who offered to present it in the first place, the liaison and the squad leader to finally get it done at 1000 tomorrow morning.  I was so stressed and aggravated by the time I got the go ahead that I was ready to quit! 

THEN I get a call at 7:09 telling me they were going to do it on Thursday when some big wig was going to be here, but they couldn't guarantee that this big wig could do it because they didn't know his schedule.  Then, I was told that someone higher than a Captain would do it, but it couldn't be done until the afternoon.  ARGH!!!!  NO!!!!!  I've already retold everyone that I told it was cancelled to that it had been reset, and my father is trying to get down and couldn't be here on Thursday afternoon, and I like this Captain who wants to do it and has been so helpful and willing, so ABSOLUTELY NO!!! 

Can you read my shirt?  It says what I am feeling.  Pόg Mo Thόin.

On top of that, I had a fight about the outpatient nurse case manager (NCM) today. 

The NCM is the one person you have to rely on more than anyone else when you are an outpatient.  When you are discharged, all of your doctors change.  You go from the inpatient team to the Warrior Clinic.  A whole new team has to learn about you and get to know you.  Derek has a heck of a lot more to review than most patients.  He has over six months of records, when most of the guys have about two months.  The only doctor who will continue with Derek is Dr. West.  He will also keep the OT and PT he has now, because he switched to the Matc already and no longer sees Sam and MJ, who were his inpatient OT and PT.

The NCM is the one who will follow all of Derek's care.  The NCM schedules all appointments and tracks the WW until discharge.  The NCM needs to understand the WW and what he can handle on a daily basis so he/she doesn't schedule too many appointments in one day.  The relationship with the NCM is a very important one.

In August, we met Derek's NCM.  Loved him.  He was very low key and quiet, but he was there.  He came to visit us every week.  Even when Derek was unable to communicate well and was really out of it, he came to visit Krystina and me and to check on us.  One day, I left my kindle at the mall when I got my hair cut.  I told him I was an idiot and would have to go back over the weekend.  A couple of hours later, he walked back into Derek's room with my kindle!  Love him!  He was so up on Derek's care and so attentive.

Unfortuately, his time ended and he is scheduled to return home.  His last day as Derek's NCM was 1/23.  *sad face*

So, who is the new NCM?  No idea.  Oh, I know her name, but if I ran into her in the hall, I wouldn't know her.  I was told she was there when Derek first stood, but she didn't talk to any of us.  I texted her last week, and she didn't respond.  Okay, it's possible she didn't get it.  I'll give her the benefit of the doubt.  I'm not getting all of my texts, so it is possible.  I texted her again today.  She responded, and then she called me.  Attitude.  I told her I was concerned that she had been Derek's NCM for two weeks and had not met him.  She claimed she had been by three times, but Derek was not there twice and the third time he said he didn't want to be disturbed.

Okay, first of all, if she was keeping up on Derek's care, she would know that he is in the Matc at the same time every day.  That's really the only time he is out of the room.  As for telling her he didn't want to be disturbed?  Derek has no recollection of that, which doesn't mean much with his short term memory problem, but he said he would never tell one of the medical staff to not bother him, so he knows it didn't happen.  When I told her, she changed the story.  She said the nurse went in and tried to wake him up to talk to her, but he told her "No."  Derek said it didn't happen.  I asked if it was before 8 a.m., and she said no.  Then it didn't happen.  Krystina and/or I arrive every morning around 8.  No one ever came in and said the NCM was there.  It didn't happen.  If it had, I would have gone out and spoke with her.

But that is so not the point.  If she did try and we weren't there, she should have made it a point to come back.  She should have made it a point to meet us, especially since we are so close to outpatient now and she has so much to learn about him.

I'm sorry, but you cannot replace someone who was top notch, the best, completely awesome and not have us expect the same from you.  The trust and confidence are not there.  And then you argue with me the first time you speak with me?  Oh, so not going to happen.  I'm sorry.  You're fired.  We want a new NCM.

So, tomorrow I will be talking to a couple of people to ensure that we get a NCM in whom we can trust.

This was an aggravating day.  Stick a fork in me.  I am SO done!

Derek had a good, relaxing, peaceful day.  He slept most of the day.  He woke up this "morning" at noon.  We had to go for an ultrasound of his liver at 3:30, and when he returned, he fell asleep again.

The liver ultrasound is to check for fatty or enlarged liver.  His liver enzymes are trending down, but they have see sawed a lot recently, so they want to check the liver.  We should have the results tomorrow.

Tomorrow, at ten, Derek will finally get his Purple Heart pinned on.  Woot!  Finally.  I am so over it, and the aggravation has caused all of us to really not care anymore, but I'm sure that will change tomorrow when the Captain arrives to pin it on.  We are glad to just get it over and done with!

More boulders to climb over today, and we scaled them!  Climb to glory!  All the way.  To the top.  After the day I had, I'll meet you there with a stiff drink and we'll toast to our success!

Super Super Bowl

Yesterday's Super Bowl was not only wonderful because it was an exciting and close game down to the last second, and because the Giants pulled it out (my sister and nephew are huge fans), but because it was an all around awesome day.

There was a Super Bowl party in Building 62, the outpatient residence facility.  Before we went over, we were asked if John Voight could visit with us.

What a nice guy!  He stayed until the end of the game.  He sat outside the room signing autographs, talking to the guys and families, and posing for pictures.  He even called me awesome.  He was really personable and cared about the warriors.  I was told that he was at the old Walter Reed last year and did the same thing.  I like to see celebrities and politicians putting aside their agendas and their personal needs and wants and actually caring about the real heroes..... our warriors.

We were also visited by a former Patriot and Super Bowl winner, Joe Andruzzi.  He let Derek wear his Super Bowl rings.  I told him, "Go Giants."  When he showed us the rings, I said, "So, that's the type of ring the Giants will win today?"  He laughed and knew I was only busting on him.

At 62, they had music and a huge television screen.  I asked someone who was running the party to help us find a table, since most of them were already full, and he led us to a table right up front.  We later found out that the tables towards the front were supposed to be the "Beer Garden," for people who were drinking.  Oh well.  We didn't drink, but we needed a big table because we were joined by friends.

It was wonderful seeing Derek interact and socialize with the other WW.  These are his peers, and these are the guys who support each other and help each other adjust to this new normal.  Most of them are wonderful guys with great attitudes.

The food they offered left a lot to be desired.  It was pretty ick.  But the company was great, and the game was exciting. 

Derek was playing around with our friends' daughter, and they were chucking Skittles at each other.  She stuck a balloon hat on his head, and he rocked it!

While there, Derek was presented with a signed Giants football, a fathead of Eli Manning, and a first edition Purple Heart stamp.

We were also treated to a live show by Scott LoBaido.  Scott is going across the country and painting flags on roof tops in all fifty states.  He painted us a flag while we watched. He is amazing.

One annoying thing was getting snubbed by a slut.  The cheerleaders who were there were going from table to table, signing pictures and posing for photos.  When the group came up to Derek, one said, "Oh we saw him before," and turned and walked away.  The other cheerleaders tried to talk to Derek, but she walked away, so they followed.  Are you kidding me?  When that one saw him last, he was really sick.  The human thing to do would have been to tell him how much better he looked.  I was not there at the time, or I would have said something. 

So, except for the food and the snotty cheerleader, we had a great time.  Derek didn't let the cheerleader bring him down.  He doesn't care about them.  He had Krystina, he had me, and he had all of his new friends.  He also had an exciting game!

We got back to the hospital at 2200 (10 pm), so today he is sleeping.  Out cold.  Had his PT kept her word on Friday and not pushed him when he told her he was tired, we might arrange to go later today when he wakes up. 

The plan for today is an ultrasound on the liver, sleep and finding out what's going on with the Nurse Case Manager.

Derek's liver enzymes were elevated.  They are now sloping down, but GI wants an ultrasound to see if the liver is enlarged.

When Derek first arrived, we met his NCM.  This is the person who follows his progress and manages him when he is outpatient.  Mike was awesome.  He visited every week, and he kept up with Derek's progress.  Three weeks ago, Mike finished his time here and went home.  We have not met the new one.  The resident said that is his fault because he told her not to push us so we don't feel like we are being rushed into outpatient, but that is so not the point.  She should have come over and met us.  She should have introduced herself.  We need confidence in the NCM, and we have none.  He is supposed to take care of this today.

This is marathon of hills and valleys.  We are charging up that mountain, and we are almost to the top.  Derek is getting better and improving so much.  Dr. West used to give him short term goals that helped him feel like he accomplished something.  For example, he told him to strive to be off the vent for two hours and not worry about being off the vent completely.  This way, when Derek actually made it off the vent three hours he felt as if he accomplished a major goal.  We are doing that now.  Staying in his chair for the entire party was an awesome goal.  It may have worn him out so that he sleeps all day today, but the point is.... he did it!  Next goal is getting off the IV pain meds.  He has cut down dramatically.  Another goal is getting the safety eval in 62.  This is where they take him to what should be his room when he is an outpatient and have him go through the motions of a normal day.  This way they can make adjustments to the room so that it is the best possible environment for him.  Once he sees the room and sees that he can manage it, it will give him encouragement.

There is no timeline in which he has to be released.  Derek is in control.  When he can meet his goals, we will move on to the next stage of this journey.

Climb to glory.  All the way.  To the top.  When we get there, let's party!

A Little Back Story

Someone told me today that she was sorry last week was not what we were told, and that I deserved a Caregiver on the Year Award.  I am very appreciative to her for saying that, but the truth is, that would not be an easy award to give, and I don't think I am deserving, at least not me alone. 

I think anyone who has given up his/her own life to be a caregiver for their loved one is worthy of such a distinction.  I have seen parents, wives, girlfriends, drop out of school, quit jobs, leave other children, etc. just to assist their injured loved one.  They do it without complaint.  They do it out of love.  They work together with the medical staff and other patients' families, standing up and screaming when things don't go right, but doing so respectfully. 

Remember, there is a right way and a wrong way to take someone out!  I know I haven't always done it the right way.  I am emotional and sometimes jump too soon, but I always try to be respectful.  So many caregivers are here advocating for their loved one, and not looking for anything in return, except a healed hero.  Then there are those who not only advocate for their own loved one, but try to make changes for the good of all of our heroes.  I know one in particular who is fighting hard to make changes, and I jumped on her train to help as much as I can.

Of course, there are those in this life who misuse their loved one's injuries as a way to draw attention to themselves or those who cause strife and drama and are only out for themselves and their loved one, and be damned all others.  They publicize inappropriate information and photographs without regard for the dignity of their loved one.  They rub the medical staff the wrong way, and they file complaints about other caregivers that are unwarranted because they are simply jealous (no, no one has filed a complaint against me.... at least not that I know of).  Unfortunately, you meet idiots everywhere.  My response to them?  Talk to the hand because the ears went home.  I have no time for people who are selfish or attention whores.

Therefore, Caregiver of the Year?  The field is so full of awesome caregivers that it would be impossible to choose just one.

Today, Krystina and I wanted to get our hair cut.  We decided to go to Wheaten Mall.  Derek wanted to go with us.

His shirt is a TS original.  It says, "If you keep staring they may grow back."  T also has other shirts that say, "Combat Wounded Marine:  Some Assembly Required," and "I had a blast in Afghanistan."

We first had lunch at Panera.  On the way in, a nice man jumped up and opened the door.  After lunch, we were approached by a mother and her four year old son, Zach.  Zach had been learning about wheelchairs, and he has a card on his Cheerios box that he wants to send to a soldier as soon as he finishes the box.  His mother thought it would be a good learning experience for him to meet Derek, someone in a wheelchair and a soldier, so he would know the type of person to whom he was sending his card.  He was so cute!  He shook Derek's hand, and Derek said, "I'm just like you, except I have no legs."  Zach was amazed at the story about the robot legs.  They then gave Derek a gift card to Panera.

Yes, he received a lot of stares, but people were not rude.  Let's face it, it's not every day you see someone rolling through the Mall with no legs!  Okay, maybe around here it's a little more common, but still, most people do not encounter this regularly.  So, people stared.  But they moved out of his way, and they were respectful.

Derek was up for over four hours.  He was in a bit of pain, but he did it.  Tomorrow, we have the Super Bowl party at 62, and there are supposed to be some surprises.  Hopefully, he will last and not suffer!  The pre-party is from 12 to 4, and then the party starts at 4.  We are going to try to make it by 3, so that we get to enjoy both parties.

When we got back, Derek had a little fit over his diet.  It's really not fair.  He just got off the low phosphate diet, and now he is on a low cholesterol diet.  He is only 22 and should be able to eat whatever he wants.  But he can't.  High tricylcerides are restricting his ability to enjoy whatever foods he wants.  And he is upset.  With reason.  And Krystina and I are the bad guys when we tell him he cannot have the big bowl of cholesterol for dinner.

Is this hereditary?  We don't know.  Derek no longer has contact with his father's side of the family (his choice), and his biological mother has been out of the picture for twenty years.  The doctors have to treat him like they would treat any adopted child with no link to family history.  It should not matter, because the treatment should be the same.

So what is the history of our family?  People have asked me about the past.  I don't like to talk about the past though.  I usually just shut it off in my brain and go on with life.  What good does it do to relive the past?  None.  Except maybe when a psychiatrist wants to probe and blame everything on childhood.

I am only going to address a little of the past at this time for a couple of reasons.  (1) This story is not limited to only our family.  I have heard so many similar stories.  It's sad that so many of our WW have to deal with family issues on top of health issues.  (2) If I can help just one person by telling this, or if someone out there reads this and knows of a way to help me, then it will be worth it.  (3) I am really dealing with a little slice of hell right now, and I need to vent a little.  (4) A little past history on the family might help you relate to us in a different way --- hopefully a better way.  Every family has problems and situations that are not.... easy and comfortable.  Every person is different.  Every person has his/her own issues.  We cannot compare ourselves to others because you really never know what is really going on in another person's life, even if you think you do, and we all have our own crosses to bear.  Maybe after this, you will have a better understanding of some of my crosses.  They are not heavier or lighter necessarily then yours, they are just mine.  God gives us what we can handle.  Sometimes I think He messed up with me and gave me too many heavy crosses, but somehow I manage.

I am not going to bad mouth or vilify anyone.  That is not my intention.  I am stating simple facts that can be verified with documentation.  If you want to stop now, please do.  If you want to know a little more about my crosses, what is causing me to lose sleep at night, and the formation of our family, welcome to the night's ventation.

When I met my ex in June 1991, I had Michael and he had Derek.  Derek was living with his biological mother in Virginia.  Michael was 2.5 and Derek was 18 months.  My ex was a US Marine and was in NYC for the Welcome Home Parade in honor of the Desert Storm heroes.  The first Christmas after we married in 1993, we decided we wanted custody of Derek for reasons that do not bear repeating at this time.  I had fallen in love with Derek the first day I met him, and I already felt as if he was mine.  My ex had adopted Michael in August 1992, and then we went for custody of Derek in the winter of 1992-1993.  One year after we were awarded custody, I adopted Derek.  From the day I met him, Derek was in my heart, and I am so grateful God brought him into my life.

I am not going to throw mud and bring up the intense history of what happened in getting custody of Derek, in the adoptions of my two oldest boys, and then in my eventual divorce, because it really does not matter.  What matters is that Derek was finally officially mine, and we were a family.  We added three more children.  All surprises.  What can I say --- I'm the 1%!  But I love each of my children and would not send any of the five back for anything in the world.  I thank God for my five greatest blessings - Michael, Derek, Kellina, Ryan and Sean.

I do not regret my children.  I regret that they grew up without a father.  I regret that I was not smarter in my selection of a life mate.  I try not to live my life with regret, so I do not dwell on it, and I simply make sure I do not repeat the mistakes.  For this reason, I have rarely dated since the divorce.  I don't want to choose someone who will not be good to my children.  I also am so overwhelmed with full-time parenthood with no benefit of weekend visitiation that I don't have the time or the energy.  Would I like a good man in my life?  Sure.... if I happen to trip over one on my journey.  So far, I haven't met one worth spending any real time with.  But I am not looking, so if I do meet someone, it will be by chance.

Almost 13 years ago, my ex moved out - June 23, 1999.  I begged him to just be a father, and his response was, "It's not a good time for me."  It's never been a good time.  He rarely saw the children over the next several months, and eventually, he voluntarily terminated his right to visit.  He did try to reinstate his visits after that, but since he did not do what the court ordered him to do, his request was denied.  He didn't do it the right way.

After Derek turned 18, he contacted Derek.  Derek had a relationship with him, and since I was not part of it, I am not going to comment about it.  I only know what Derek told me.

After Derek was injured, my ex came to the hospital.  At this point I was faced with enforcing the restraining order or allowing him access to not only me, but my other children, who had not seen their father in 12 years.  I decided to be cordial, and welcome him in.  We all went out to dinner several times.


But then things deteriorated.  Of course, this is my side of the story.  He will probably tell a very different tale.  There were problems in the hospital almost from the beginning.  The fact also remains that he stopped coming.  Derek terminated his orders and placed Krystina on orders, as it should have been in the beginning, and he did not visit after that.  If he says it was because of me, there was nothing stopping him from writing to Derek, emailing him, or contacting him on facebook.  I hate when people play the blame game and do not take responsibility for their own actions.

Also, I know he tells people that he pays child support, but he does not.  He only owes more than $175,000.00.  It has been almost two years since he last sent a payment, with the exception of a small amount of cash that he gave me in September in the hospital, and even before then he paid at best 25% of the ordered amount.  He sent me an email recently claiming that he is afraid to pay through the court because they lose payments.  I worked for that system.  If they ever misplace a payment, it is easily accounted for once proof is provided.  I've asked him for the proof that he paid, but he never sent it.  If he sends it, I will help him rectify the arrears and find my money.  I told him all he had to do was show a cancelled check or track a money order.  He has not yet.  He also has not sent a payment.  I gave him my home address, but I still have not received a payment.

Am I angry?  A bit.  But I am more hurt than angry.  I have children who, if not for the kindness of my parents, would have had nothing growing up, including a place to live.  I have three children who still depend on me financially.  I have a child who is severely injured.   I have my four other children at home whom I am away from.  I have no income and no way to support my children.  And their father refuses to help. 

If he reads this or someone close to him reads this and gets him to start making payments, I would be very grateful.  If someone reads this and has information on employment for me, I would be enternally grateful.  I'm an attorney in NJ with 18 years experience.  I would love to get into patient advocacy.  I even looked into joining the JAG Corps, but I am a few years too old.

I have a father for my children who refuses to support them, so if anyone has any ideas, I am listening.  The problem is he is out of state and Tennessee will not enforce the order without him appearing in court.  He refuses to appear, so my children suffer.  The UIFSA laws really need to be changed. 

At this point, I am facing losing my house.  I am getting desparate.  He told me he wants child support based on his income.  The support that was established is based on his income 10 years ago, the last time he submitted income information to the court.  I told him to send me a pay stub and I would have child support recalculated.  He refuses. 

There is so much more I could say about him.  But I won't.  Because it doesn't matter.

Derek is getting better.  Finally.  But I am faced with finding a job in a terrible economy.  I am faced with still being away from home and away from my children, my family and my friends.  I will be back, hopefully within the next two months, but if I find a job in the DC area, I will bring my children down here.  Either way, unless I find a good paying job ASAP, I will probably end up selling my house.  I don't want to, but I cannot lose the equity I have.

This situation is not solely mine.  I met a parent the other day who lost his job because he has been his son's NMA.  Although I found him loud and a bit obnoxious, he is staying by his son's side and lost so much as a result.  I spoke with a mother who has been by her son's side for almost a year.  This has caused such a strain on her new marriage that she is now filing for divorce.  I was talking to a mother the other day who was told she could take whatever time she needed from her job and that they would work with her, but then lost her job when she was here three months.  I spoke with a woman tonight whose husband in here.  She left her three young children with her oldest daughter.  She had to sell her house and move her family into a small apartment.  I spoke with a mother the other day who is trying to collect child support from her dead beat ex.  She is filing in MD to domesticate her order so she can have it finally enforced here.  I wish I could do that, but my ex doesn't visit any more.

What I am saying is that we caregivers have an awful lot on our plates.  We have so many regular day things pressing on us and churning the stew, and then we add a pinch of aggravation with inconsiderate people around us, a dash of medical personnel who are not up to par, a tablespoon of family drama that should stay in the freezer, a hint of feeling overwhelmed by the new normal, a cup of missing our family and friends from home, a sprig of broken promises from people we thought would always be there for us, and a side dish of losing our jobs.  This does not make for an appetizing meal, but given what they have to offer us in the hospital galley (the only affordable place to eat), no wonder we have indigestion and insomnia!

But this shall pass.  We will all get through this.  We might not be in the same financial position as before, and we might have lost some friends along the way, but we have new opportunities, new friends, and new experiences on this mountain to the new normal.  Climb to glory, friends and family.  Thank you for being there with us through this journey.  Although I have been disappointed with some people who were previously in my life, I have a new group who are supportive and caring, and I thank God for each and every one of you.

Climb to glory.  All the way.  To the top.  The very top.  I'll meet you there ... and we'll toast to the future.

Making Strides

The last two days have been busy for Derek.  He actually went to the Matc both days!  That makes four Matc days today.  He didn't want to go today, and before I could say anything, Krystina jumped all over him!  She insisted that he go, even if he was tired.  His PT had previously said if he was having a tired day, they would just do mat work.  They didn't.  She insisted he get on the "death machine."  The death machine is an aptly named pilates machine that the guys all hate.  After today, I can see why.

Anyway, I am skipping yesterday.

During OT, Derek put that right hand to work at stacked cups!  Considering one of his doctors told him that the hand would never work, this was amazing!

When he went to PT he stood on his leg again!  The leg that his PT had decorated.

After he stood, he went over the mat where he was attacked by M, an awesome triple amp!  He wrestled with Derek on the mat and taught him how to do the "bunny hop" to move himself.  M had him moving all over that mat!  And then he showed him how to rock the trampoline!

It takes a lot of core strength to hold himself up on the trampoline, and he did great!

Today, OT stretched him out hard!  Joe tried this "facia stretch," to separate the muscles and tendons from the scar tissue.  It hurts a lot.  Derek called it "flashlight stretch."  He also named the different stretches of his hand "downward facing donkey" and "flying eagle."

During PT he was put on that death machine.  Made me nervous because his balance is not the best.  But he did it.

Back at the room, he crashed.  We were supposed to go to dinner tonight, but he was too exhausted.

We had a very special visitor today.  I heard she was in the hall, so I went out of the room.  Her Mommy let go of her leash, and she ran right to me!  After taking me around the nurses' station for a quick hello, she ran right into Derek's room and over to the treats I keep for our very special visitors!  After a quick snack, she snuggled with Derek!

After a visit with wound care, we had lunch with the awesome Laura Boone!  Krystina was so happy that she brought her Burger King, that she jumped into her arms!

This weekend we have a lot to do.  Hope you have a good weekend, too.

As for me, I'm dealing with a lot right now.  I've been away from home for six months.  I miss my kids.  I need a job.  I'm not really in a position to look for a new one.  Derek's doctor thinks it will be a good idea if I stay at least for the first few weeks he is an outpatient.  He is still several weeks from outpatient status.  Therefore, I have at least one to two months left here.  My ex refuses to pay child support.  He is always giving another excuse.  He has not paid in almost two years.  He knows what is going on, but he still refuses to send a payment.  Things are very stressful and I am full of anxiety.  I'm trying to stay positive and not let it get to me, but at night, when I should be sleeping, it does.

I know some how some way it will work out, but I really wish I knew how right now.  It's just a tough time.

But, anyway, on to tomorrow!  We have exciting plans that we hope Derek is up to doing.  We also have an exciting week planned!  We will keep climbing to glory, and we will overcome the hurdles that have been placed in our way.  This is a journey not only Derek, but also Krystina and my other kids, as well as my sister and her family are all on.  Some how, we will triumph.  We have faith.  We have each other.  Climb to glory.

P.S.  Go, Giants!

Another Hurdle

The Naval Base that is being used as the location for Walter Reed National Military Medical Center is not a level field.  There are many hills and steep inclines.  Getting from McDonalds back to Building Ten (the main hospital complex) or Building 62 (outpatient rehab living quarters) or even the Matc in the America Building is quite a feat.  The incline is very steep.  But that's not my main concern.

The incline leaving Building 62 is also very steep.  Guys in their manual wheelchairs struggle to push it up the hill to get back to their living quarters.  More disconcerting is when they are going from 62 to the Matc.  It is difficult for the guys to slowly go down the hill when they are in a manual wheelchair.  The electric wheelchairs handle it pretty well, but the manual ones go fast!  If one of the guys hits a rock or a crack in the sidewalk, they will be catapulted and/or the wheelchair will tip.

This happened to one of the Marines I love.  He was leaving 62 and could not slow his wheelchair.  He hit a rock and was thrown.  His wheelchair does not have a seatbelt, but if it did, he may not have been knocked clear when the wheelchair tipped, and it may have landed on top of him.  It's a concern. I plan on raising this to the powers that be to see if there is something that can be done.  It's too dangerous.

Derek made it to the Matc today.  That's two days in a row!  Before his OT appointment, Derek had the hip bucket fitted.  Mike had already molded it, and now he was checking to see if it fit okay and where it had to be adjusted.  By this time next week, Derek should have both prosthetics!

After the Matc, Derek and I stopped at Red Box.  I looked up and walking towards me was an amazing little boy.  I guess he was around 12.  He was walking tall and proud on two prosthetics!  I broke into a big smile, and he smiled back at me.  He was amazing.  And to think that grown men and women with two good legs complain about getting up and walking!

When we got back to the room, Derek rested.  Trips to the Matc really wear him out.  But his spirits were good.  He joked around and was his normal self.  Krystina and I "yell" at him when he gets really inappropriate.  Most of the time, we just laugh.  The nurses sometimes come in and join us when they hear us laughing.

Today, an LPN we have never seen before came to the door.

LPN:  I'm going to close your door.  Okay?
Me:  Um, why?
LPN:  We can hear you at the nurses' station.
Me:  No.
LPN: So, you'll be quiet then?

Hells to the no!  We were not disturbing other patients.  If we were, the charge nurse or service chief would have asked us to quiet down.  We can hear the nurses' station from our room, too, and we don't complain!  We were just laughing.  She needs to get a grip.

I am tired.  I am tired of battling.  I just want Derek to make it to outpatient and get better!  He still needs to get the pain under control and get off the IV pain meds.  He will probably always have pain, but the level it is now is not acceptable.  He is working on it.  His amount has been reduced, and he is trying. 

Once he is off the IV meds, he will be given an overnight pass in Bldg 62.  Whatever problems he encounters will be adjusted, and then he will have another overnight pass.  When he has a successful one, he will then have a weekend pass.  If the weekend pass goes well, he will be moved to outpatient.  It is a gradual process to ensure success.

Derek has overcome so much to get where he is now.  Today, we were told that his triglycerides are markedly high.  When he was 17 or 18, he had then checked and they were high, but because of his age, the doctor told him to just watch his diet. He didn't want to start him on medication at that age.  Now it is three times higher than it was.  So, he is back on a special diet.  Damn.

But Dr. Sam said today that no matter what hurdles life puts in front of Derek, he clears them.  He will get his triglycerides under control.

Now a corny little chuckle for the day.  We were sitting in Derek's room and heard, "It's elementary, my dear Watson!" from around the corner.  What was it?  One of Derek's doctors speaking to the one of the nurses!  Holmes and Watson are alive and well and at WRNMMC!!!

After we took the picture, he exclaimed, "Maybe we'll make the blog!"  So, here you are, Sam.  Happy now?

Today Derek had another big boulder placed in front of him.  We know he will climb over it and continue his climb to glory.  When he gets there, we will have a big party at the summit!