Sunday, September 11, 2011


First, an open message to everyone - if you do not like what I am posting, please stop reading.  I am speaking from the heart.  This is unedited and my innermost feelings and thoughts during a very difficult time of my life.

I do not know why anyone who claims to be a Christian would feel the need to email me and chastise me during one of the hardest journeys of my life.  But then, there are people who claim to love Derek, who are causing nothing but heartache for me, Krystina, and as a result Derek as well, during this very difficult time, and they also claim to be Christian.  I can only guess that the devil has infiltrated these hearts and they feel the need to try to make life a little harder at this time.  It's not he first time.

My message to them is that it is not working.  I am forcused on Derek.  And so is Krystina.  The emails are a joke.  The behavior of these people is a joke.  It shows how immature and petty they are.  They are only hurting themselves and their relationship with Derek.  Derek is asking questions about things that have happened since he arrived, and we were told to be honest.  I tend to gloss over that stuff, because I want to protect him, but Krystina lays it out on the line.

I don't do drama.  I shut it down.  I will not let it infiltrate our peace or our mission to help Derek heal.
Krystina and I are two very strong women who are not going to let weak minded people get to us.
But then the ICU seems to breed drama.  Today the screaming and yelling reverberated down the hall and found its way into every nook and cranny.  Mariam is dealing with a lot.  She does not need her husband's family showing up demanding information and screaming and yelling at her for more information than she feels comfortable revealing or allowing them to make decisions.

Only the POA is allowed to make decisions, and the POA decides what information is deciminated and to whom.  No one is allowed to call the desk and get a medical update, except the chain of command and the POA and anyone the POA authorizes.  In Derek's case, I said no one calls but the chain of command.  But even so, the nurses have to be able to recognize the voice, because anyone can call and claim to be the person listed as POA.

And then there was the wife who refused to tell mom when her son was moved out of the ICU and up to the med/surg unit.  Mom was staying on base and just not in the hospital at the time.  Mom came to the ICU the next day looking for her son.  The poor woman didn't speak English and wasn't from this country, and she couldn't understand what anyone was saying.  Someone had to walk her to the 4th floor.
And there are the plenty of stories of fathers who were not involved in their sons' lives until the accident and then show up and expect to have equal say in medical treatment.  One father was escorted out by security when he flipped out because he found out he wasn't POA and did not have any say at all.  I cannot understand parents who leave their children.  It is beyond my comprehension, even though I lived it.  I raised my children alone, and now I am trying to deal with my ex, and it is not easy.

There is also the patient's right to privacy that must be respected.  When certain people do not respect the patient's right to privacy and discuss personal injuries with everyone, they are not entitled to information.  If at any time Derek wanted me to stop this blog, I would stop.  He and I have discussed this blog, and he even requested pictures to be posted.  He is all for me continuing.  He also knows what information is being discussed and what information is not.  I am respecting his privacy.  Wish I could say the same for everyone.

Besides the drama, today was a quiet day for Derek.  He over did it with the PMV yesterday.  He said it made him feel sick, so he slept a lot today.

The morning started when I walked in and Derek said to me, "I am so glad you and Krystina get along so well."  Me too, Derek.  Me too. 

Even if I didn't love her as much as I do, I would get along with her for Derek's sake and not do anything to alienate her, because she is the girl that my son loves.  By pushing her away, I would be losing my son.  He means the world to me, and I could never let him go.  But it is truly a blessing to me that she and I are a close as we are.  We have been together for 43 days, living in the same room, and we are not sick of each other yet.  Although, she might be asking for her own room as soon as her orders come through if I have another night like last night.  She said that while I was sound asleep, I sat up and yelled, "Holy shit!  Look at that lightning!"  There was no lightning last night.

Krystina's Mom, Raff, Aunt Angela and Uncle Emilio came for a visit from Jersey.  It was great for Derek to be able to visit with family.  He was happy to see them.

Master Sgt Bell came in and said her usual, 'Climb to Glory, Soldier," but this time Derek was able to actually respond so she could hear, "To the top."  She choked up and could barely get out her usual response of, "All the way."  She wiped her eyes and told him he had made her day.  It was touching to see a tough Master Sgt wiping her eyes and choking up while talking to Derek for the first time when he was actually able to respond.  Actually, she isn't all that tough.  She is a wonderful woman with a heart of gold.  She is all hugs and love with a tender smile and strong hold of the hand when needed.  We all love her.  There wasn't a dry eye in the room when she left.

Krystina has been a strong pillar during this journey.  Yesterday, Derek asked me how I found out about his accident.  I took him through the phone call and who I notified thereafter.  Krystina then told him how she reacted when I called her.  She started crying as she related the story to him.  It was one of the only times she has gotten upset.

Dr. Perdue also was able to have his first conversation with Derek, and he showed Derek the video of one of his patients with the same injuries as Derek actually walking with his prosthetics!  Derek was happy to see it and had a lot of questions.  The best part of being able to speak now is that he can finally ask all of the questions that he has been forced to keep inside for weeks.

On the medical front, I was sitting in Derek's room during rounds this moring and did not notice the doctors approach.  They were early!  One of them called for me to join them, which I very much appreciated. 

His white count is holding steady at 16.  No real fever to speak of - 99.  The ultrasound revealed that the abscess was mucus filled, which is not what we would have wanted, because it cannot be drained so it will just have to be watched.  All of them appeared the same or smaller except two on the left, which appeared larger.  Those are the mucus filled, so they will watch them.  The VRE, a-bacter and pseumonas are the three infections with which they are the most concerned at the present time.  They added two medications for pain control - methadone and klonadine. 

So, here is to a quiet, drama free day tomorrow.

God bless you all!

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